The Past

Wow, what the fucking fuck.

I just watched a video that one of my exes made for me 7 years ago! And I seriously got the sad feels! 😦

The video was a slideshow of our pictures from when we were just starting, and I was like, “Wow, we were REALLY in love.” You could feel it in the pictures. And seriously, I am not sure if I have felt that again after we broke up.

This guy is really special to me. He was such a sweet caring boy, and I adored him so much. He treated me like a princess. We were so happy together. Damn, we even planned our wedding in one of our conversations. He was like “the one that got away”. I seriously would like to think that I am his, too.

We were just so perfect together. I thought he was the one, and everyone thought so, too! I was so in love with him that up until now, almost 6 years after we broke up, I still think of him. I know I don’t love him anymore, but he will always have that special place in my heart.

I’ll let you in on a fun fact, I am currently in a relationship. This guy, my current boyfriend, he puts me on the top of his world. I have never felt so special before, his efforts are commendable, he is very patient, and he loves me very much. Don’t get me wrong, I love him so fucking much, too. But you know, sometimes, I think of a scenario where in my ex from 6 years ago would come back and ask me to be with him again, would I leave my current boyfriend for him?

Ever so often, I would dream of him, that he is back, and he wants me again. I would always ask God, why does he make me dream of him? Is this a sign? Would we eventually still end up together? Or would we never ever get back together, and he was just a page in my book?

I would like to think that we would never get back together. He is a different person now, anyway. He is not the sweet boy that I used to know. Now, he is a man that is so full and thinks so highly of himself. And that is not cool.

Sometimes I wish I just never knew him. I think I would be better without knowing him. I mean, we never ended up together anyway, so what’s the point right?

Fuck. This video got the shit out of me.

Fuck you YouTube. I hope you could just delete a video even if its not yours. Well, of course that’s impossible.

We just live in such a small world that I always see him, in the road, on social media. Damn, his girlfriend is even a friend! WTF?!

Seriously though, I still wish him the best. After all, I did say that he has a special place in my heart. I guess that would never change. Even if you never talk to me again.

Thanks for the memories, you made me happy.

xx